Category: Stories of Hope

I am now in my mid 40s, living in Australia. I first realized I was attracted to the junior male form when I was around 12 or 13 and hoped it was just a phase I was going through. As I became older, it soon became apparent that I was attracted only to boys younger than me.

I kept my feelings to myself for many years. When I was 18, I watched a TV program that provided a help line for minor-attracted people, but when I called the number, there was no specific help available in my local area. The operator suggested I visit my local doctor instead. I had no confidence my doctor could help me, so my search for help stalled.

When I was in my mid-20s, I read (or possibly misread) a signal from a 13-year-old boy I was close to that developed into a sexual relationship, my first ever. The result was a criminal conviction and probation.

I came out to my parents and my sister before my trial. I wanted them to hear it from me rather than to read it in the local paper. They supported me and continue to support me.

Before the court case, I met the mother of a friend of the boy’s. She was a very understanding and compassionate single mother of four boys. After her sons told her about my past, I came out to her and she supported me through my trial. When her boys went to live with her ex-partner, she came to live with me. We became close and even though I am not attracted to the female form, we had a child together. We will soon celebrate 10 years of marriage. To this day, it still surprises me that I am in this relationship, as I never thought I would ever be married and have a child of my own!

With my legal problems behind me, I was scared that I might again become too attached to a boy and began pushing away any that I felt I was getting too close to. This included my four step-sons, who eventually came to live with us.

Through personal development and the support of friends, I was able to forgive myself for what happened in my 20s. I learned to trust others and in the process, to trust myself. I also came to accept that being a minor-attracted person (MAP) was how I was born, that I couldn’t change it but that I could make my own decisions about my behaviour. Being able to connect and talk honestly and openly with non-MAP men about these attractions was life-changing for me and the positive effect on my mental health was huge.

I have now come out as an MAP to quite a few trusted friends and want to change the commonly held beliefs about us. If everyone had a son, brother, cousin, uncle, or friend whom they trusted and admired and who was able to explain to them what it is like to be an MAP, I believe that is what would make a difference to how we are perceived.

I should point out that I took a risk each time I came out to someone, but this was a risk I thought was acceptable for me and my situation at the time. So far this has worked for me, but this may not suit everyone.

Without professional help, it took me nearly 30 years from the time I realized I was attracted to minors, to feeling comfortable with who I am.

I am convinced that if there had been some professional help readily available to me as a young adult, then I would have come to terms with and managed my feelings for boys much sooner. It is also likely that rather than searching for answers for much of my life, I would have been happier and more confident.

Over the last few years I have become involved in some local men’s groups. I have shared about my own past and heard about challenges other men have faced. This has helped me gain some perspective and realise the challenges I have faced are not especially unique even though my attractions may be.

In many ways, and for much of my life, I let my attraction to boys define who I am. More recently, I am able to see myself as a husband and father, and professional in my work.
Keeping busy stops me feeling sorry for myself and besides work and family, I attend and help run men’s weekends, help with some local sustainability initiatives, and enjoy motorcycling, photography and travel.

If you can relate to anything I wrote here then I hope that this helps you realize you are, in fact, not alone.

I’m a 21 year old guy attracted to girls between the ages of 4-11. Towards girls younger than 5, it’s almost entirely an emotional attraction. I have this great affection for them and want to protect and care for them. As they get older, they become more attractive and the emotions start to feel more romantic as well as protective.

This all started when I was 13 and I began working in the 2-3 year old class at my church. I really enjoyed it and soon discovered that I had a talent working with kids. Looking back I can see my attraction starting around that time although it wasn’t until I was 16 that I really noticed that I was attracted to children and not until 18 that I finally admitted to myself that I was an MAP. With that realization, at that point in my life, I spiraled down into depression.

Throughout my adolescence I kept doing volunteer work with younger kids. The mentality I had was that I was only sexually attracted to older girls so if I avoided them there would be no problems. However, one day I was even more depressed than usual because it was my birthday and I had no friends to celebrate it with. While I was at church in the pre-K class, a girl I had a protective “crush” on was being extremely adorable, I just wanted to hug her and know that someone cared about me. I didn’t do anything inappropriate but it was then that I started to think that this was a problem.

I reached out to some people I knew online (non-MAPs) and told them about my attractions. A few stopped talking to me, however I did find one person who was willing to stick with me and help me figure all this out and it changed everything. I was finally able to talk about my feelings and all that I was going through. I also reached out to other MAPs and eventually had a large group of people that I talked to almost every day. With their help, I began to accept myself and slowly the weight of my minor attraction lifted. While I’m still very much attracted to children, it is now much easier to manage and live with.

Now at 21 years of age, I’m studying hard in college and am transferring to a four year university in the fall and will be living in the dorms. I’m very excited about meeting new people and making new friends. Aside from helping kids, I also enjoy reading, playing video games, and spending time with my family. I still struggle with hiding such a huge secret from everyone I know, although I confided in my brother and sister and they’ve both been very supportive of me. I’m so thankful for that. My life isn’t perfect, but I feel that things are finally moving in a positive direction. I finally have hope for the future.