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Tom

I’m a 21 year old guy attracted to girls between the ages of 4-11. Towards girls younger than 5, it’s almost entirely an emotional attraction. I have this great affection for them and want to protect and care for them. As they get older, they become more attractive and the emotions start to feel more romantic as well as protective.

This all started when I was 13 and I began working in the 2-3 year old class at my church. I really enjoyed it and soon discovered that I had a talent working with kids. Looking back I can see my attraction starting around that time although it wasn’t until I was 16 that I really noticed that I was attracted to children and not until 18 that I finally admitted to myself that I was an MAP. With that realization, at that point in my life, I spiraled down into depression.

Throughout my adolescence I kept doing volunteer work with younger kids. The mentality I had was that I was only sexually attracted to older girls so if I avoided them there would be no problems. However, one day I was even more depressed than usual because it was my birthday and I had no friends to celebrate it with. While I was at church in the pre-K class, a girl I had a protective “crush” on was being extremely adorable, I just wanted to hug her and know that someone cared about me. I didn’t do anything inappropriate but it was then that I started to think that this was a problem.

I reached out to some people I knew online (non-MAPs) and told them about my attractions. A few stopped talking to me, however I did find one person who was willing to stick with me and help me figure all this out and it changed everything. I was finally able to talk about my feelings and all that I was going through. I also reached out to other MAPs and eventually had a large group of people that I talked to almost every day. With their help, I began to accept myself and slowly the weight of my minor attraction lifted. While I’m still very much attracted to children, it is now much easier to manage and live with.

Now at 21 years of age, I’m studying hard in college and am transferring to a four year university in the fall and will be living in the dorms. I’m very excited about meeting new people and making new friends. Aside from helping kids, I also enjoy reading, playing video games, and spending time with my family. I still struggle with hiding such a huge secret from everyone I know, although I confided in my brother and sister and they’ve both been very supportive of me. I’m so thankful for that. My life isn’t perfect, but I feel that things are finally moving in a positive direction. I finally have hope for the future.

Comments(4)

  1. Reply
    amber says

    you probably shouldn’t be working with kids

    • Reply
      Shea Taylor says

      Hi Amber. One thing that most people don’t realize is that most people who have illegal sexual contact with children or adolescents are not in fact primarily attracted to children or adolescents. Another is that the vast majority of those attracted to children never sexually abuse those children.

      Like everyone, MAPs deserve to be treated as whole human beings and not have people base their entire opinion about them on one characteristic. To do otherwise is the very definition of bigotry, and is causing extraordinary pain in the form of depression, anxiety, and suicide among those attracted to minors — without making children any safer. MAPs deserve the chance to make the best life for themselves that they can, and not to be defined and dismissed because of their sexual orientation.

      As well, the perhaps unexpected results of this approach is to make children less safe because it has led to mandatory reporting laws which cause many MAPs to not seek out therapy for any mental health challenges they may face, and mentally unhealthy people are more likely to act in anti-social ways.

      As a society, we can and must do better than this — especially mental-health professionals!

  2. Reply
    Sam says

    Shea you must be a professional because I’ve never heard such a well polished rebuttal to those uninformed.

  3. Reply
    Iron Lion says

    Why do you call your self a pedophile? How do you know that this “attraction” isn’t just admiration? How do you know that you desire to be a father, a mentor, and a protector of a child? Specifically speaking little girls are typically cuter or whatever than little boys, and typically seen as more vulnerable as well as representing innocence. Hence as a male you may have a protective feeling for them? Maybe you mislabeled your feeling. Based off emotions which can be misconstrued by our own understanding, we’ll often make wrong decisions based off that. Unless you feel sexually attracted to them then, well that’s obvious.

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